Meditation thoughts, just what I needed to hear today

Good stuff this morning from meditation. February 1st:
“When I change my behavior, the behavior of those around me may also change, but there is no guarantee that it will change to my liking. Today I am learning to make choices because they are good for me, not because of the effect they might have on others.” -Courage to Change

This is not easy for me to comprehend but I am always willing to keep trying. 🙂

Also, from One Day At A Time In Al-Anon:
“I pray for the wisdom to realize that progress begins only when I am ready to detach myself from the idea that I alone can control and solve another’s problem.”

The situation I have been going through lately has been very tough. I have emotions of sadness, anger, hurt & loss. I am staying active in AA & also starting the process of working the steps in Al-Anon. I am willing to do whatever it takes.

It is hard for me to let go. I usually have to give the situation back to God because I take it back. I still think I can control & change the situation. When I pause & really think about what I have learned & heard in the rooms I see that I cannot. Turning MY will over to God is hard. I try & remind myself that everything will happen in HIS time, not mine. I will say to myself, “Things aren’t changing fast enough, I don’t have the answers I need/want as quickly as I feel I should. Why?” Well, in reality, it’s not up to me & it very well may not even work out how I think it should. That’s such a hard reality to accept. It’s a struggle with me daily.

I just try so hard to take things ONE DAY AT A TIME. I try to keep myself busy, reach out to other women, & stay in the “middle” of the program(s). I am so blessed to have such amazing women in my life. They are a huge support system. I try to be that to them as well. Getting out of “self” is not easy either. It requires action on my part.

I am grateful to have such amazing sponsors today. I don’t question them when they give suggestions. I have said, “Yes! I AM willing to do whatever it takes!” That’s a start for me & I mean it with everything I have.

So for today, just for today, I will stay in constant contact with God. I will let go of the situation & give it to Him. I will pray for HIS will & not mine. When I find myself taking it back, I will pause & ask Him for help. I will pray for strength, knowledge, courage & acceptance. I will have faith. Faith that God has this & will take care of it- in HIS time! I will not try to control the situation but will focus on what I am doing. What I need to do to change ME, my thoughts & my actions.

Serenity prayer is powerful when I say it slowly & fully understand what the prayer is saying.

God, grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT change, the COURAGE to change the things I CAN, and the WISDOM to know the DIFFERENCE.

Sobriety is a wonderful thing to have today 🙂 So extremely grateful to be sober today!!!
💜- R

My Journey- 90 DAYS!

I know it’s been awhile since I have posted. I’ve been busy focusing on my sobriety, my kids, my family- life on life’s terms.

Today I have 90 days of sobriety!!! Let me first start off by saying, I am quite excited about this milestone in my journey of recovery! In the past, I have never really been excited about these milestones, not as excited as I’ve been this time. This is huge for me! Quite a bit has happened in these past 90 days. I’ve learned to Let Go & Let God take over. That in itself is HUGE! I’ve never been able to let go. I’ve always wanted to control, try to, everything & everyone around me. As I sit in the rooms of AA, work the steps, listen to those with long term sobriety, pray & mediate I’ve been able to see the program work. I no longer feel guilty for leaving my kids to go to a meeting. It’s better to leave them to go to a meeting than it is for me to be drinking.

Recently I have been reflecting on my past experiences with AA & sobriety. The very first time I went to an AA meeting I was 19 years old. I remember sitting in those meetings feeling so angry. Angry at everyone & everything. A woman gave me my first big book. I didn’t understand the program, I thought the book was just garbage & I believed I was NOT an alcoholic. How in the world could I be an alcoholic when I was only 19 years old?!? Needless to say, I stopped going to the meetings, threw the big book away & went about my life.

I have always heard to go to 90 meetings in 90 days when you are just starting your recovery. My thoughts HAD been, “Are you kidding me, I don’t have time for that!”.

Interesting how my thinking is today. In the beginning, I was only going to attend 2 meetings a week. When I relapsed this last time & I was told “You can’t stay sober”, that pissed me off! You just watch me! Something changed within myself. I found myself going to a meeting every day. It definitely was not planned that way, but having been in & out of this program so many times information seems to stay with you. I asked God to take control. I would do what I knew was the next right thing, but I knew I had to let go of the people, places & things that I did not have control over. Talk about an awesome feeling… instantly, the weight that had been on my shoulders, was lifted. I was able to breathe. I knew what it was that I needed to do.

I dug my heels into the program & took the actions that has been suggested. I began to take the time in the morning to pray & meditate. In the past, when I would hear others talk about prayer & meditation I thought they were crazy. I was not about to do that. I didn’t have time & thought it was awkward. I started going to meetings daily. I’d get excited when someone would ask me to do any type of service work. I began to get honest when working my steps. That desire to WANT to stay sober came over me. The craving for a drink had been lifted. Before I came back into the rooms of AA, those things weren’t there. I was not able to live life on life’s terms without alcohol. Honestly I did not WANT to. In the very back of my mind, there was the idea that I wasn’t an alcoholic. When I think of that now, I can see that alcohol had its grips on me. As the book says, it’s cunning, baffling & powerful!

I now believe with out a shadow of doubt that I am most certainly an alcoholic. I also believe that God is in control and gives me the strength & courage I need to get through each day. I try my best to listen for Him.

There have been things happen in these past 90 days that without prayer, meetings & others in the program, I would have drank. I released those things over to God. It hasn’t been easy to let go but I have faith all will work out the way God has planned in His time, not mine. I am grateful for the fact that today, I am sober & at peace.

~💜R